AWTY 96 - Tease-ting Menu (Food Wars)

Sure. I beg you. May we come again? Hopefully.

Say yes, sir. Hello and welcome you. Are we've there yet? In exploration and education and anime. I'm your anime idiot, patrick dugan.

I'm an anime expert. dana hollander.

And I'm brenda mccullough. Your anime. Eddie ogden from eddie's Million Dollar Cook off the 2003 Disney Channel original movie.

Yes.

All I remember about that movie is one of the promotions where one of the actors is like, the only thing I can cook is cereal. And that for some reason has stuck in my head.

That's been taking a space up there and you can't get it out in a while.

It just comes to the forefront of your brain and you're like, I could.

Regularly forget my dad's birthday, but that is stuck in my head.

That's still there. You never forget that line riding like that. That sticks with you forever. That delicious.

Delicious. promo bumpers. anyways, what we have going on today.

We'Re going to watch something special because it's not a great time. So we're going to watch it not a great show. I'm not even going to pretend like I like.

Brendan. Remember last week?

No, I don't.

Hamtara was the most complicated thing we could deal with.

Well, this isn't complicated. I can say that. This is the most base level, simple desires the human body can experience, which is food and lust. So we're watching Food Wars.

Thank God.

Oh, boy.

Yeah. Sometimes you need a nice soft blanket and some quiet music and a moment to relax. That was hamtaro. This time we're kicking you out the door. And we're just doing some dumb shit just to get over because sometimes you just need something so much dumber.

Perfect.

Here we are.

I'll take it.

Do either of you know anything about Food Wars?

I know one thing about it, and that's it just the food and the sexual. Sexual connotations.

Got you.

Yeah. I've only heard about this show from you based on it being anti artists that attempt to break into the mainstream with more orgasm.

I'm about it. Reach for the stars.

Yeah.

That'S as much as I know it's. The guy I used to do hentai. Now he does food wars. And that's as much information I got. But I think it's him doing something he's actually passionate about food and using the skills that he already has, which is titties.

I love that.

Here we are.

He's doing what he can.

Yeah. Use the skills you have and grow into who you want to be.

And this was perfect timing because two days ago I had a work friend say, like, hey, I just learned you like anime. You should check out Food Wars. I was like, oh, boy, I certainly will.

I tell you. Yesterday, my brother Ben asked me if I had watched Food Wars. How crazy is that? I was like, no, but we're watching it for the podcast tomorrow on the.

Top of everyone's brain.

Well, it was just recently added to Netflix. So people probably logged on and saw and were like, what's this?

That'Ll probably do it.

I know what? I had a friend who watched it with his wife, having no context for it at all. And they're like, all right, let's watch this new anime on Netflix. Like an hour later. It's just like, what the fuck did we watch? I was like, oh, you sweet summer child. You want it blind, didn't you? Yeah, it's going to be fun.

Yeah.

Great.

I am interested in it because I am a food cooker fan. Yeah, we were talking about stuff before recording. Brendan talking about working in kitchens. And in high school, I was fry cook, like kitchen leader for a beach concession stand. So I love being in kitchens, but my only frame of reference is chicken tenders, clamcakes and fish and chips. And that's about it.

That's all you need. I love learning new things about my friends. I feel like maybe you mentioned it, but I didn't remember. And that's just I love that. dearly little teen Patrick dugan working on a beach stand in rhode Island.

The dream. Yeah. If you lived on a quidnik island, you had to have a beach related high school job. Before that I worked as, like, a cabana boy for a different stuff and just like setting up umbrellas and chairs for their rich members. And yeah, if you didn't work on the beach, you didn't have a job.

You weren't living.

Yeah, just like how almost every teenager in Santa clarita has worked at Six Flags. Six Flags, Magic Mountain. I can say words because they hired people under 16.

So perfect.

Somebody had that job. I didn't. I almost interviewed for it. Did not do it.

The one from my town growing up was a retirement community that rivaled a city and its population. So they hired a lot of underage high school workers because what else are you going to do in the middle of fucking Nowhere, Pennsylvania?

Just hang out with some old people.

Yeah. Anyway, anime, titties and food.

Yeah.

Great.

So shall we dive on in?

Yeah.

Hope you're hungry because we're definitely going to be 30.

I'm ashamed to say I kind of like this show.

I thought it was fun, too.

I didn't think it was bad. I didn't think they were going to like it.

Oh, I wasn't going to tip my hand and give you that. I was holding that a secret until.

Right this moment between this and dungeon and ropa, this podcast has taught me I don't understand you or your preference. Like, everything I think you would like you don't and everything I think he won't like you do. And I'm just like, all right, let's just food wars. Here we go.

If this is a knowing dugan's taste podcast, I am the winner.

Easily.

Yes. Brendan, your goal is to drive me insane so I think you have a skewed view of what you picked based on that.

There's difference of what I think you'll like and difference of what I think will be good for the podcast. I'm clearly in that frame of mind more.

This was both.

This was both. I guess I'm surprised you found it.

Yeah, well, get into specifics. But right off, right at the top, like sort of similar kjo vibes of they know what they're doing. They know what you're here for. They're not taking it seriously. They're going to have some fun with it. So I had some fun with it too.

That sounds like we're going to give tejo another shot.

No.

It just ended.

I'm sort of we can respect it.

But we won't go back to it. respectable distance. Anyway, episode one. We start off with the words disgusting. And then I had a loan notice here saying, which I feel like will be a good summary of dugan's review. I was wrong. Shows what I know. Me 3 hours ago.

Take that.

We see the protagonist. You can tell he's the protagonist because he's got big red spiky hair and a scar over his eyebrow for no goddamn reason.

It's Kirashima. I just remember kirishima has an eyebrow scar teeth.

Oh, he does. Wow. Give him shar teeth. And this is kirishima. And we see him outside out the back of a restaurant with a little like I don't know what those are called. They're like little grills. Like little tiny camping grill. Yeah. And he's just talking about like it's disgusting. It's revolting. And we see him cooking squid tentacles with peanut butter on them. And he's forcing himself to eat them and saying how gross they are. So he's in the weird food.

He's a masochist.

Yeah, it's all about the flavor combination. He's going to unlock the secrets of the universe.

Ratatouille in here.

And then we see. He gets called back into the kitchen, and he's got to prepare to start cooking. His friend showed up, and his friend is there to be the judge between the cook off they're about to do between him and his dad. So they cook her up on fried rice dish, and she's taste testing between soma who's the main character and his dad. And of course, the dad is more experienced. And she goes nuts and chooses the dad. He's the winner. But after she takes a bite, she gets all hot and bothered and starts wriggling around. So that's what happens in this show.

No one can ever just have a pleasant meal experience. It's either disgusting or I'm ripping my clothes off.

Yeah, there's no in between. So the dad starts spragging, saying like, ha, you lost to me for the 500th time. And someone's like, no, it's 489. Don't die on that hill there. Soma it's too close. And while they're talking, we see the customers eating all the food. And we see each customer taking a bite and they're either salivating or pulsating or gyrating and just squirming. Just squirming. And we see his friend miyu, who I guess I probably didn't need to write down her name. I don't think she'll ever be seen again. comforting. Soma saying, like, oh, it's okay. It's not your fault you lost. He's got plenty more experience and stuff. And he's like, you're right. He does have more experience. Hey, by the way, here's a squid tentacle covered in peanut butter. Why don't you eat it? And I guess trying to pay her back for making him lose the competition or choosing his dad over him, so he force feeds her squid tentacle covered in peanut butter, and then we cut to a scene of a squid just violating her surrounded by peanuts. Here we go.

That's it.

Not the greatest part of the shit.

Yeah, I don't love these ones. These ones I could do without.

But I thought it'd be, like, a little more tongue in cheek of, like you see the tentacles, and then you see her legs or something, and it does, like an implication or something. It's like no, we see, like, a squid is grabbing her, and the parts of the body the squid touches her clothes dissolve off, and it's like, wow. We're like, five minutes in, man.

Wow. And weird. All of his weird combinations involve squid. I wonder if it's for just this part so far.

Yeah, I can't deny that. So, yeah, and then we see his dad come out saying, like, that's a bad dish you made. bitch, please. I've made so much worse dishes that tastes like fucking garbage. And it's him and someone and his dad just bragging about how bad they make. So they brag about how good their food is when it's good and how bad it is when it's bad. Because they're intentionally yeah, they've got the.

Whole breadth of the palate terrible, too. Fantastic.

Yeah. Their whole thing with the restaurant is, like, creativity and trying new things and combinations. So they're like, we take some wild ass swings if it works, great, but otherwise, we're eating some fucking disgusting shit.

We've all put some barbecue sauce and some instant ramen. We've all been there.

Oh, no.

Okay.

Oh, God.

Not much happened. All the salt and brine really boiled out the barbecue sauce. He couldn't even taste it. Okay. Hey, when you're a poor college student, you eat what's in the cabinet. And then we get the intro, and it's pretty standard intro montage of all of the characters, and there's a lot of fucking characters, and I'm not writing those names down. No. And just montage of them cooking with food and stuff. And when we come back, Soma is working with his dad, and it looks like they're wrapping up for the night, like winding down shopwise. And Some was focusing on what he should have done better. He's like, oh, I could have done this, or if I flipped the rice three more times, it would have been better. I'm not great at cooking, but I don't think that matters.

Well, what do you know?

Not much. I put barbecue sauce and ramen noodles. I have no opinion. And as he's talking to himself, we see a big group of people walk in. And I don't think we ever learn her name. So I just called her tig old biddies because she's just titties out what she's got.

That's her main character trait.

She's also shitty. So she's shitty. Guys, I'm here for me. I don't care about the list. And she comes in talking to Soma, saying, like, we meet again. All right. I guess they've talked before. And it's her with just like, three Secret Service we can do it. And suit, sunglasses. And they have no agency whatsoever. And selma shuts her down right away when she starts talking. Basically like, hey, lady, I don't give a shit what you're here for. Get on out of my shop. And we find out that she's some sort of real estate mogul or something who's trying to buy out all of the small businesses around the area so she can build an apartment complex. Great. We love it. And she's talking about how all the small businesses are struggling. And if you're ever thinking, like, maybe getting out of the game, maybe give me a call. And she gives her some a business card. And he takes a business card and it just drops it on that little small Japanese girl that he had out back and just burns it in front of her. He's like, yeah, no, fuck you. Fuck you in your real estate.

I'm going to say I think this sets up a really interesting story. And it is not what the show is about, which is a little disappointing.

Yeah, we'll get to it at the end of this episode. But yeah, it doesn't quite pay off.

The Dplot is more interesting than the front of the Mill School anime.

Shocking.

And so he burnt her card and basically kicks her out of the restaurant. So then we cut to the next day. soma's walking home after buying some groceries, and he gets a call from his dad saying, hey, keep the shop closed for the day. I'm going to be going on a business trip for a day. And hey, soma what do you plan on doing after school? Someone's like, I've been working for you since I was, like, five, so probably keep doing that because it's the only skills I have. And as soon as he says that, his dad just hangs up. He doesn't even respond. He's like, oh, cool. Shitty dad. And then someone wonders, what's something big enough to make his dad close the shop? Because it happens so rarely. And that's when he starts realizing he's like, huh. I guess I don't know that much about my dad or what he does in his off time or anything. About his past. I was like, hey, dude, is this your dad? Were you kidnapped? Are you okay? I don't know everything about my dad's past, but I know some stuff. And someone comes back to the shop and he goes in through the back door and sees that all the meat and storage is just ruined. It's all thrown on the ground and taken out. So it got warm and rotted and it's covered in salt and everything's tarnished. And when he runs out front, he sees the sign up front of the shop get covered in paint. And that's when we see Shitty Titties walk up. And she's like, wow. She's like, well, what do we have here? Interesting. And she's like, well, I guess if you're here, you're open for business. And I guess if you're open for business, I want a big old steak. Because yesterday he said if he ever had to turn away a customer because he couldn't fulfill a request by them, he would close up shop forever.

Excuse me. She didn't ask for a steak. She asked for a big thick cut of meat.

Juicy.

Sorry, it was just a very ambiguous just big haunch and piece of meat. No real specification. We're just leaning into this vocabulary to this episode.

How can you not? It's what it is.

It's the monster Masoomi of food. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, guys. Hold on.

Monster mifumed me.

When you get a monster girl and she's just a snack. Soma said yesterday if he was ever not able to fulfill a customer's request, he would just close up shop forever. So she's kind of calling him out on that, knowing he doesn't have any meat back in storage. So this is when we get that over the top moment of Soma taking his headband off his wrist, which he keeps wrapped around his wrist at all times. But it's like 4ft long, so it's like a long ass cloth.

So, yeah, he just has a mummy arm for most of the shell, but.

Like, if he wrapped it up entirely, it was more mummy, it'd be fine. But it's just like a wristband. So it's just around his wrist, but it's just like 4ft long. It bugs the hell out of me. It's a weird character.

It's all about the flare.

I hate it, this thing. tji. fridays, get the fuck out of here.

Do you consider tji? Friday's flair?

Yeah, they got little buttons and shit on them. I've seen office space. So he takes a headband off and he wraps it around, and now he's serious. And we get a cooking montage of the group that walked in being like, what is he cooking? We destroyed all the food. Like, how can he cook anything? We see him still cooking and he's working up something. And then we see Soma comes out with a pseudo pork roast, and he goes and saying, like, you might be wondering how I made it without any good meat in the bag. Well, I took a potato and some bacon I bought for breakfast tomorrow. And I wrapped the potato up. And the lady's like, yay, I don't care. And I was like, oh, thank you. Thank you for coming before he goes to his speech. Because I'm just like, it's too early in the first episode for this fucking narrative, this monologue. But so he sits down the pseudo pork roast, and she's flustered already. She says she wanted a meat dish and nothing else. Not this pseudo meat dish. Saying there's no value in a dump in a shop like this. This store has nothing to offer to anyone. Why bother keeping up and running? And soma basically challenges her to eat up or shut up. Either take a bite or get the fuck out. Without even touching it, she's already making a lot of weird moaning noises of just like, yeah. And it's just like, no, it's excessive. Before she's even taken a bite. And then she cuts into it, takes a bite of the suit of pork crews and just straight up comes in her pants. Just instantly orgasmic level of reaction. Like, there's no two ways about it.

I want crispy bacon wrapped potato.

I'm sure it's good. I've never had this delicious I've never had this visceral reaction to anything I put in my mouth.

You didn't want that explanation of the food. But I loved it because I was like, I can do that. I could do that.

It seems so simple. I'm sure if you looked up pseudo pork roast from Food Wars recipe, oh.

Yeah, it's definitely out there. Yeah, I'm sure. It's just there was so much going on in this. First I'm just like, not now. Just seem for up to two. Man, I need a breather room. I don't need more exposition. So yeah, she just loses her mind after she takes a bite. And soma calls her out for enjoying the meal. And he starts going into the whole process saying like, oh, I cooked the onions and the mushrooms. I diced them up and mix them together. And complimented, he goes in a lot of detail. I'm dumb. I'm not going to repeat it. So the whole time he's talking though, she's like you can see her squirming in her chair. Like she can't contain it. The pseudo porch is just so good.

Let me tell you something. I'm going to talk about like, he's 15, and that sucks so much because his, like, energy of like, oh, you want another bite? Is like immaculate. I love that. Like, really good teasing shit. And I'm just like, you're a child. Stop it.

I think it's like episode three. There's a few more of the character where it's like, I can't believe you're already 13. I was like, oh, oh, no. Oh, no.

Stop right there.

And then there's like a time skipper. She's like, 15. I was like, this ain't better the same bad. Still bad. Yeah, it's it's like we talked about a little like before the episode started. But you're in legon where hugo is like 14. And it's like, why, though? I understand it's aiming for the demographic you're looking for. So like, one piece starts off all the characters are like young teens. And then there's a time skip because their demographics aged with the series and stuff. So I get your targeting your demographic by making them the main characters age. But like, yo, why it's so horny and they so yo.

Who's the target audience?

If you're going to be like, let's make a horny as fuck cooking show, like, just aim at like, adults. Like just that's.

Like, you can just make it a college cooking school. Yeah, that just fixes it.

It blows my mind because anime has become so ubiquitous now. Why isn't there more college up where it's not as creepy for it to be asexual because everyone's told him that someone's really dominating this shitty titty lady with his food.

Oh, god.

Hey, I'm leaning into this.

He's really lingered on this scene. Let's move on.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

So he says like, oh, well, if you're going to be an asshole and still try and sell me out of this place, I'm going to just take this food away and just throw it away. No, I promise. I promise I'll stop trying to get you out of this shop. I'll promise to stop trying to take your land. And he's like, right, well, if you promise, then I guess he can finish it. And when he puts it down, there's like an aroma tornado that swirls around it for a second and hits everyone at once. Like, what the fuck's happening? I get this all hyperbole and stuff, but it's just like insane to watch. And so, yeah, her and her gang dig into the pseudo pork roast again. And yeah, here's the scene. All their clothes explode off and they're all just naked. And we see like just writhing. We just writhing.

But we see that's the best way we can put it. They're writhing.

We also see the juices from the suit of porcups spraying out from the guys. It's so graphic. And dancing on that line of like, can they get away with this or not? But Food Wars has like three seasons or something, I guess. And like hundreds of chapters.

So I guess so they're on season five now.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah. When I was looking it up, I was like, what?

So after they're finished, all four of the gang members are just on the ground just yet rising. And the one lady just is actually screaming. Like, I feel bad for the voice actors for the English and dub, but she just not pleasurable. It's just screaming at the top of her lungs. I got a really good laugh out of that. So cut. The next day, so much is outside cleaning the paint off the sign when his dad comes home and his dad says, hey, so cool you're cleaning up the sign. We're going to shut down shop for a couple of years, and I'm going to go help out a buddy of mine that I was talking to yesterday. I'm going to move to a different country. See you. So it's just like, what the what, dad.

Hey, dad. Hey, father figure. Hey, parent who I rely on. Can you walk me through the process a little bit more? No? Okay, cool. Great. bye.

See you. This is when I went from like, oh, his dad's like a fun, like, buddy buddy competitive sort of character, too. His dad fucking sucks. This is just a shitty father.

Things are getting too hot in this country. I got to go. Lie low. If I give you any details, they'll find me.

Basically.

His dad is so hot, though I've restrained myself from talking about it this long. He's so hot.

You got your bias. You're aware of it. His dad's just like, yeah, Buddy asked me to help out with the job. I'm going to go do that job for a while, and then when I come back, we can reopen the shop. That's it. So I did the whole thing where I saved the family business yesterday from the rivals. What the fuck? Like, I did all that work, and his dad's basically just like, yeah, tough shit. You're going to school. Which I hope he's been going to up till this point, but we don't really know.

Not that fake ass bullshit school where it's just numbers and math. It's a cooking school.

It's cooking school. And yeah, we get cut to a shot of him. His dad also says, like, I just got home and I'm packing my things and I'm going to leave immediately. I'm like, you won't even spend a day with your son. He hates this kid.

Tough love.

We see. I guess the next day, someone's walking to school, and he's annoyed, and he's seeing people freak out as he's walking around. He's like, what's the big deal? And he gets to the school, and we see it's literally on a mountaintop. Like, there's no exaggeration for how over the top this school is. And it's the elitist of the most elite cooking schools. And all the people we see that were freaking out are super rich kids who weren't getting in, and their parents were trying to buy their way in and stuff. And we get a voiceover from his dad saying, yeah, even less than 10% even graduate from the school. In my mind, that's a very shitty school.

Yeah, they should close this school.

It shouldn't be a competition. You should try and get everyone to graduate. That's the point of education. So then we get the ending, which is just the various montages of naked people on food, which that's the show. After the credits, we had a little post credit scene, different shots of the school. And then we see a girl in a white robe, like a white gee sitting underneath the waterfall. And yes, water and white clothing. Some tidy ass shots right there. And as she's sitting under waterfall, she gets hit in the head with a jukebox. And then it cuts to her at the cooking school, spitting out, like, soup broth at a guy and dumping it on his head, saying, this is vile. It tastes as if I was hitting the head with a jukebox. It's like, oh, that was just her visualization of what she was tasting. And he's bowing beneath her like apologizing. And we see everyone else around her with other dishes they're waiting for her to taste. So she's hot shit. She's a head honcho at this school. And that's episode one.

He is great.

We pick up in episode two with that scene. Teachers drinking more broth, having, like, a nice fantasy of being in, like, a hot spring. She looks and there's a gorilla there. And she's like, oh, this broth is it feels like I'm bathing with a silver back. This is disgusting. You fail.

So actually, it was a western lowland gorilla.

We got a Jane goodall over.

I would love to note what the.

Dove literally said, also known as a silverback so.

Fuck. This is the episode I watched Song one time. Sorry.

So soma arrives. He's feeling a little out of place. He's like, all these kids are so rich. They're all buying their way. And I don't know how my dad got me this place. This isn't for me.

I'll leave the country slowly.

Diner kid. So he calls his dad, talks to him. His dad took a job in New York City working at a fancy hotel where everyone is desperate to eat his food. He is, like, world renowned outside of his small cafe. But yeah. So he's like, yeah, I'll be here. I owe a buddy a favor, so I just got to do some cooking. If you want to beat me one day, I guess you have to stick to the school. So someone's like, oh, fuck you. I'm going to be your asshole man, and just reverse psychologies him to actually follow through and go to the school real quick.

I want to point out his dad's on a balcony overlooking New York City because that's where he is now. And he takes a squid tentacle off of, like, a little girl he has and puts it in his mouth like a cigarette as he looks over the city. And I'm like, I hate that. But God damn it, I respect that they made that choice.

You never smoke some calamari.

Is this way we can have marlboro calamari, something.

To take the edge off.

This way they can get around the sensors of like, it's not a cigarette, but it still has that feeling of a smoking.

They're worried about sensors.

I don't know. They might be getting around it. I don't know.

Yeah, everything else, the sensor is like, yeah, titty tentacle, porn, great. Cigarette, no smokers are jokers. But yeah. Soma invigorated to kick his dad's ass, he commits to the school. So he's walking through a courtyard. He sees a boy sitting on a bench. He's like, oh, hey, you're also new here. Cool, great. Yeah, let's be friends. So I am the son of, like, a food magnate. That kid over there's dad owns 80 restaurants. Basically, everyone is an heir to a food empire in some form of another. What's your food empire? What, are you going to take over? And someone's like, yeah, cafe diner. And then the kid kicks them over. And like, you scum of the earth. I can't even breathe the same air as you, heathen pleb. But yeah, working in a kitchen, someone's like, yeah, I can kick your fancy boy ass and tear them away. But yeah. So everyone is super duper connected, except for Soma. Maybe his dad seems like he has secrets, but yeah.

Like, you would think that his dad like, if he said his dad's name, which is the name of the restaurant, people would be like, oh, shit. Your dad's that guy?

Yeah.

I feel like his dad is like wolverine in the movie Logan, where he's like the oldest. Like, he goes away, has a kid, and like, hums back. He's like, this is my apprentice. And like, no one knew where the best chef in the world was for 15 years.

I was retired, kid.

Yeah. Brought me back in. I was out.

I need you for one more beef Wellington. As soon as I get out, they suck me back in. But yeah. So he goes into the transfer exams, where just every student is gathered ready to get judged. And the judge is third year irina nakiri. And she has a simple task for them. All the kids have to bake or just make a dish featuring eggs. And if it impresses her, they get in. If it doesn't, they are banned forever. And everyone runs out of the room except for Soma, because he's like, oh, egg dish. Cool. Great. I got it. And then someone's like, no, you don't understand that's arena. She has the god tongue.

God Tongue.

Hate that, love that.

But she has, like, the most refined palette known to man. And if you don't impress her, the hardest person to impress on the planet, you don't get to go here. So everyone runs away. But irina is like, yeah, no one can stand up to me. I guess I'll just retire early today. And soma is like, no. So I can just start whenever, right? And she's like, you dare to try to impress me with the thing I asked you to do?

Impossible.

We did have a very sensual scene between both of the two girls here.

Before.

I had to check that off on the gate. And go, yeah, wow.

It didn't really factor in, so I was just going to skip over it. But yeah, it was a fun game moment. But yeah, so Soma is the only person to accept the challenge. And both of the students are like, he can't do it. We're fine dining professionals being middle school students. But yeah, so he gets to cooking. He has a bunch of dishes going and bunch of pots on the stove that they can't see in. So they're like, he's too confident. What is he doing? So he's like, all right, I'll clue you in. I can tell you a secret menu item from our diner restaurant. I'm making basic rice and egg dish and they're like, Are you kidding? We said you have to impress us. And you have peasant food.

Yes, garbage.

But yeah, so he serves it up. It's furry cake rice, which is just like a prepared dried seasoning dish that you mix eggs and rice in. And it's very common. So they're like, you might as well serve as boxed ramen because it's that common. So we see a mysterious man listening through the door. We'll hint for later, but I just.

Figured out who it was. Sorry. Go on. Well, I'm an idiot. Don't mind me.

So he's like, oh, but this isn't any normal frikake rice. It's transforming frikaki rice. So he serves up just a little cup of egg. It just looks like scrambled egg. And they're like, this is the most basic child shit ever. What the fuck do you think you're doing wasting our time? He's like, Pour it on the rice. And so they do. And then underneath there are gelatinous cubes of chicken broth that when it hits the hot rice, it melts in and mixes together. So the judges are like, holy shit, this is beautiful. It truly does transform on the plate in front of you as it just absorbs and gets gooey and mixes all the eggs and stuff in. So he's like, all right, go for it. And she's like, okay, this is some peasant shit, but you have my interest. I'll give it one bite and she takes it. And it's the most delicious thing she has ever tasted. And shocking again, orgasmic moment. We've lingered a long time on the first one, so you get it. But yeah, she's freaking out on the inside. She goes in for a second bite and someone's like, I'm sorry. I thought based on your rules, it was just the one bite. But it seems someone wants more.

Oh, my God.

No. I need a fair criticism. And takes another bite, freaks out again, and then only responds by saying, disgusting. She's a liar.

Am I right, boys?

Classic.

What is it when you have balls for your tongue?

What?

What is it when you want to eat something again but someone won't let you?

I don't know.

A teasing menu, not a tasting menu. It didn't quite work. But I like it.

That was good.

I was thinking tongueball. Start of the mind.

Oh, no.

But yeah. She's like, no, can't do it. You dare challenge me? You're arrogant. You serve me peasant food? This is a fine dining establishment. You will not come here. She goes back to her office, calls to the headmasters like, no one passed. We have no new students. No, don't check me on that. And we see his failing grade into the filing system. But in the post credit scene, we see that old man walk into the kitchen, try the dish, and he crumples up that failing paperwork. He has the real power. And that's our end, episode two.

Yeah. And he has ABS ripped.

Grandpa, the phone call at the foxy.

Grandpa, the phone call at the end bothered me because it's like she's got the God tongue. That's why she's on, like, the school council, and that's why she's, like, the most prestigious. And she calls up, and it's like, hey, Grandpa, I don't like this kid. I was like, nepotism, she's got shit. Fuck that. Her grandpa is the director of the academy. Fuck this shit.

All right, episode three. Haven't touched on it. I watched episodes two and three dubbed, and it's bad. Anyway, it's snowing. Cute. A train arrives at a station, and there's a cute girl named megami, and she's getting on the train. She's leaving her hick family for the city. They all have bad Southern accents because that's the only thing America knows how to do. It in the country.

Rural. Make it so we understand rural.

Yeehaw, yeha.

Like we mentioned earlier, she's the 13 year old. She's leaving to do the middle school program of this cooking academy, and she's off. She's, like, so excited. The world is her oyster. And then we find out that she's doing really bad. She, like, completely failed her first year. She's on thin ice, but she's still.

There for high school academic probation. Shit.

And then we see some cherry blossoms so we know what that means. It's the first day of school. It's the opening ceremony, and it's like the whole freshman class. And arena is brought to the stage because she's, like, already, like, the student representative, because nepotism. And also God tongue. And the boys love her, and I bet they don't do it in the show yet, but God, how many dirty jokes can you make about a girl with a god tongue?

I was kind of waiting for that. Yeah.

Come on.

The season's young. We'll get there, and it is the 1 May.

And then the academy director comes out to speak, and it is arena's grandpa. And everyone is afraid of him. And he gives a speech, and he essentially congratulates everyone for making it this far. And he talks about everything they've learned. But now in the high school program is the challenging part, because you're here to see if you can actually make it as a chef. And he says that last year's freshman class started at 812 students and only 76 moved on to the second year. To which, again, I say this school should be closed. shitty school with such a low success rate. It's like when teachers are like, my class is really hard. Some of you might not pass. And it's like, bitch, then you're not doing your job.

Don't be proud of that.

Yeah.

Like, I get it if it is, like, an elite program like this. But if it's like, hey, this is home room 101. Some of you won't make it. It's like, I'm sorry.

What?

What's the point?

I mean, if you're a cook and you make a lot of food and you're like, my food is challenging. Most of my customers die. It's like, you're a bad cook. Yeah, that's not a good thing.

But yeah, a lot of these things, it's like, hey, I had one off day. My cut of meat wasn't perfect. You fail forever. Goodbye.

And then, I loved this. He essentially said, maybe odds be ever.

In your favor, basically.

And then he said, study hard, cook hard. And then irina is like, backstage thinking to herself. She's like, if you can make it to graduation, your life is set. And I'm confident that I'm going to be the best chef of all time. Yeah. And then there's a girl on stage and you hear her in the background. She's talking about how they're welcoming one transfer student. And arena is like, oh, I guess somebody else accepted someone. That's weird. I didn't let anyone through. And who is it? But soma because her grandpa let him through without her permission because he matters.

He's an employee.

Yeah. So he introduces himself to everybody and he's like, it's nice to meet you all. I'm going to be the best cook here, so fuck all of you guys. I love that.

Very bakugo declaration of war.

Yeah. And everybody gets really mad. And then he goes off stage and sees arena and he's like, a really nice guy. Someone's just a really nice kid. His dad may be shitty, but I guess he raised him well because he's just nice to her. He's just like, oh, how was my speech? I was nervous. I get nervous to talk in front of people. How was it? And she was just like, Why are you here? I failed you. And he's like, well, I got an acceptance letter in the mail. I was really surprised because he said my food was so bad. But now I'm here. So I mean, if he says quoting, if something tastes good, just own up to it. And I wrote their tension is great. Too bad they're 15 because it's so good. Like, he's just like, you didn't have to lie to me, sweetheart. And it's like anyway, I feel like the audience is getting to know me too well.

Now take a step behind the curtain.

And then she tells him, like, I don't approve of you being here. This must have been a mistake because the kids who are here now that went here for middle school, they have had so much training. You didn't have any. And he's just like, I started cooking when I was three, and I've been, like, working at it since. So, I mean, why do I need school training if I've been working in the field?

Got that bumps. Beeriens.

Yeah. And he says that he swears that he will make arena say that his food is delicious. And then we see yeah, we see her grandpa, like, eavesdropping outside of the tent they were in.

That was like, dumpling bitch.

And then we see some girls walking to class and they're like, looking around for Megamy, but she isn't with them because she's sulking in the field. She's like, I'm not doing well at school, but I don't want to let my family down. I'm just going to lay low, do my best and avoid this new kid. But she was paired with him in class. Of course.

Real quick, I like the panning shot of the orientation where we see, like, all of the students and it's all just like, various shades of brown for hair color. And then there's just a patch of girls that look like a bag of skittles. And I was like, wonder if they'll.

Be relevant, the punk chefs.

That one girl has, like, her knife and a holster on her thigh. Yeah. And then they're in the kitchen. Everyone is like, in chef's whites. And then he's like in his casual fry cook clothes. It's great. And everybody just hates him. But again, being the nice boy he is, he tries to get to know Mega Me, and he's like, oh, you seem really nervous. Like, what's wrong? And she's like, well, I'm, like, really close to failing and I'm scared. And he's like, then why are you here? Which not very nice, but also like.

He didn't it's a fair point.

And everyone is just staring daggers at them. And she's like, how does he not notice it? And then the teacher gets there, a French guy named Professor chappelle.

I put in my notes. When he shows up and start talking, I was like, oh, I didn't know we were going to Ultimate Muscle. These accents, I love it.

Jimapil shepherd.

We are going to call kia for Japan.

Yes.

So he starts his spiel and he's like, if you give me a dish that isn't worth an A, it's a failure. If you ain't first, you're last. And megami is freaking out because she doesn't want to fail out of school. And she tells selma that all of no, I think he says this. No. She says all of his students failed last year and 18 flunked from just his lectures. And they also say that he never smiles, which is the title of the episode. And then it's time to cook. And they're making some French meat dish. And megami is like, well, Soma must be pretty talented because he's here, so I'm going to try and be confident in his ability. And then he's like, I've never heard of that. What? What is that? But he's ready to give it a try.

He casually ambles over to the whiteboard, and he's like, meatbased. She's like, oh, fuck. I'm out of here.

So they're cooking, and megami, she puts the meat in the pot to simmer, and she's, like, staring at it intensely, counting down the minutes. But Soma is just happy to be there. He's like, look at all these spices.

The spice racks enormous.

I love it. And then megami goes to start plating. And then we see some bad boys, some nasty boys, and they're smirking. And Summer gets back to the station and sees that the lid of the pot has been inched over ever so slightly. So, like, the steam is escaping the pot. And he's like, hey, did you do this? And she's like, no, it has to be simmering. And then the nair do Wells, they're like, hey, your meat's ruined.

I love when they have to record any snickering noise.

The big bigger thing of them is they added just a fistful of salt on top.

So much salt. Yeah, they take the lid off and they see that it's just covered in a mountain of salt. But they can't start over because they only have 30 minutes. And Megamy is just like, oh, I'm going to let my family down. And then summa just grabs some backup ingredients, and he's like, here we go. Let's just start over. It's fine.

Ding, ding. Round two.

Yeah. And then the bad boys are confident that Soma and megami will fail. But their food is ready before the bad boys.

What?

How can this be?

Nothing.

They take it to the professor, and the meat is perfectly tender. And he's like, I noticed your trouble earlier. How can this be?

I mean, dana, that is probably a better accent. You're giving it too much credit.

Thank you so much. Wow. French is not in my repertoire, but.

It wasn't in this voice actor season.

And then somea explains that they used honey. I didn't write down the chemical reaction or anything like that because I was like, that's too much.

Basically, there's, like, enzymes that will tenderize it and make it cook a little faster.

Yeah, so he explains that he knew about it because he read when he was a kid that pineapple juice does the same thing. But they didn't have any pineapple juice, so he was testing it with other stuff and honey. Honey. So he's like, megami, take a bite. And she takes a bite, and she has a weird food vision of bees with soma's face pouring honey all over her. Great.

Hate it.

Yeah, the honey dripping visuals were not excellent, just bit mud. Yeah, just yellow liquid pouring down her legs.

It's like, maybe don't ugly bad way. They're covering their bases.

Every face gets addressed.

Everybody gets one. And the professor is having the same vision, and he smiles, and everyone's like, what the fuck?

He has teeth.

Whoa. And they get an A. And then he's like, but oh, sorry, but I wish I could give you a higher grade. And the other students are like, what this hick. And this fry cook kid? What the hell? And then the bad boys, they were paying too much attention to that, and they burned their sauce, and then in their commotion, knocked some salt in. That's karma. And they fail. And then we see some kids in another class that we saw in the crowd during the opening ceremony is a fat kid and then a blonde kid. And they did well, but the blonde kid is upset because he wanted to be in a class with Soma because he wants to destroy him. And then megumi, thanks Soma for helping her. And he's like, yeah, no problem. We should definitely cook together again. Anyway, you want to try a new dish? Honeycovered squid? And he puts it in her mouth and she has a terrible squid vision.

I had a note saying, I think the honey, like, food vision is the worst one we've seen so far. And then we got to this. I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot entirely about the squid once already.

This is both.

Can we take the pleasant version and make it a nightmare?

Absolutely. And then after the credits, we see arena is like, assistant girl. Tell arena that Soma got the highest grade Professor chappelle has ever given, and she is pissed and ready to take him down. And then Soma is still torturing Megamy with squid. So, yeah, that's that show.

There's the show. Question. Would we consider any of these boys in the show beautiful?

I don't think we can give it that. We don't get any, like, oh, everyone is in love with them. And adonis just walked into the room sort of.

Yeah.

Moment. So I don't think we can give it that.

Okay.

Yeah, because it was, I mean, beautiful daddy and Brand daddy are very handsome.

It's not beautiful men on the bingo card. It's beautiful boys.

Exactly.

Yeah. Between that and overpowered, student council just missed bingo.

But dang, I mean, she was the student council.

Yeah, there is a council, but she's the only student on it, I believe. But we didn't get a cpr.

Yeah, I would say we because if.

She'S on the student council and she has that much power wow.

I don't think you guys like the show that much, but going to bat for it. You really wanted to give it bingo?

No, it's just a specified point.

All right, I get it. You love food wars. I'm not judging. So are we there yet?

It is insanely bizarre because it is just so fucking horny.

But so horny.

I think the thing that really grabbed me with this show is the philosophy of it, of just soma being like, yes, I'm here to cook non pretentious, everyday food, but just make it delicious. And then having a bunch of fine dining chefs be like, absurd. A haunted dog on the bus. No, I wouldn't touch peasant food. It's like, no, if it's delicious, anyone can do it. Literally every person on the planet has to eat. Let's make it back to ratatouille. Yeah.

Everyone can cook. Anyone can.

Yeah. I mean, basically that's his secret. He puts on the headband so he can hide the rat in his hair.

It's like a tapeworm or something. And he lays along his forehead.

How is that worse than the show?

I don't know.

I don't know. But I find a way. It can always be worse. Yeah.

I just thought it was fun. Like dugan said before, it's just very aware of itself. Which was the same reason I thought Monster musume was funny, just over the top and silly.

I was going to make that argument. That's why I like Monster musume, because its message is, everyone's beautiful, even if you're a big old spider lady. But it's just it's so goddamn horny. But, I mean, so is the show.

Yeah.

I think it's just the degrees.

Because if you take away just, like, the tasting scenes, even the tasting scenes, if this was just a regular non horny food show, we would still have those, like, internal monologue cutaways of, my God, the sensation. This is so delicious. But they just took those moments and went, can we also make them naked during that? So it would basically be the same show if it wasn't horny. Which is why it still kind of works.

Yeah, that's fair. Yeah.

Wow. But what a good time. We had this horny food show, and the food did look delicious.

Look delicious. We got delicious cartoon food. Info dump. Technically not incest. I give that one time. I think that one might change. Yeah, we'll get you debated your way into overpowered student council and the gay. So we got a bingo.

Perfect.

Wow.

It means it's a perfect show, right?

Yeah, that's exactly what it means.

It means it hits a lot of tropes. That's what that means. Well, I'm surprised. I'm genuinely shocked.

I live to disappoint you.

That's what I tell my parents every Christmas.

The energy. I love it.

What we got going on next week.

Let me tell you, I'm taking it back down a notch thank you. With something that's animated in Japanese, not necessarily anime. This is cheating a little bit. We're gonna watch rila, kuma, and kao. We're going to watch episodes one through six because they're short, boys.

Little, little mini fights.

Yeah. But I'm really hoping we get some just good old Cottage Corps vibes.

I really hope it's not that morning. I don't know for sure, but I really hope it's not bingie's cross. I promise we'll see.

But, yeah, if there's a show you would like us to watch, you can send your recommendations to us. Are we there yet@gmail.com? Is our email or on social media? Are we there yet? On Instagram and Twitter. I forgot the name of that website.

Best forgotten.

You can find me on Twitter and Instagram at Mr. Patrick dugan.

You can find me on Instagram at queen. Period. weibo. And on Twitter at Queen underscore weebu and Queen underscore weebu art.

You can find me on Twitter at abts. Brendan stands for Almost Better Than Silence, which is a video game podcast I also do. And I've been streaming persona Four on the ebts twitch last week. So if you want to watch someone play persona Four quietly and then occasionally going, huh.

Perfect. That sounds like a dad stream, I'm.

Not going to talk to myself. I'm not crazy.

Thank you to camille ruley for our artwork. And thank you to Louis zong for theme song stories. You can find all of louie's music at Louisong bandcamp.com. Thank you and we hope you'll join us next week as we learn to live with anime.

I'm so hungry.

Keep your clothes.

Can't tell me what to do. Thank you.