AWTY 191 - Razor Advice (The Vampire Dies in No Time)

Hello and welcome to our week there yet in exploration, education and anime. I'm your anime idiot, patrick dugan.

I'm an anime expert, dee hollander.

And I'm brenda mccullough. Your anime Laslo cravensworth.

He's my sweet cheese. My good time. Bull.

My good time. I've been saying that so much.

Paul loves that. And he also loves I don't know if you've seen the Jackie daytona episode.

I've seen what to say.

We talk in tucson, Arizona.

God. This week we're watching what we do each.

God, it'd be so nice if we did.

Only I desperately wish that's a good one. That's a good show. If you want to watch a good show that you can trust because we like it. Watch what we do with the shadows.

Yeah, for sure.

Thank you to whoever left the screener of it in my last apartment where I had to watch four episodes of it for free.

Wow.

Whoever got that screener broke academy rules, but I appreciate it.

We're telling those rules are to be broken. All of those things are just prizes you put in the break room at the office and say, hey, anyone else? Anyone else? Please just take this off my hands. I don't need a season two, episode five of glow on my shelf for the next eight years.

That is actually true. I took an improv class at community college and one time he just brought the teacher just brought his huge boxes of old screeners and was just like, take what you want.

Ours is all in the laundry room.

Yeah, but what are we really watching? This week?

We are watching vampires. This week we are watching the vampire dies in no time. Yeah.

Long running series. Despite this title.

First episode there, it was fairly recent. Came out in fall 2021. And I think I heard about it from mother's basement. Again, I heard about it a while ago, though, so it could have been somewhere else. Who knows?

Mother's basement is where you got the high school prodigies and the seven. I'm not remembering.

No, that's not where we heard about it. But it was in fact, his worst anime of whatever year it came out.

Okay. I get concerned anytime anyone's reviewed an anime online. It's either because it's really good or it's that show.

Yeah. He separates his shows into videos of like, this is literally the worst shit I've ever seen. And this is like, pretty good shit.

Got you.

He's very heard about odd taxi. Okay, have either of you heard of this one?

Shout out to friend of the show, Brian Anderson. He's in the dub of odd taxi.

Oh, yeah, I have to watch the dub.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, he plays young he plays the young version of the walver sky.

A little boy.

Beautiful, love. The best. Thank you, Brian, for bringing joy into this world.

I love him and everything he does.

But yeah, I know nothing about this.

Of course, but cool.

Great.

It came out after 2005. I don't know it.

I hardly know anything about it, too.

So I am currently deep in tyka fever with our flag Means Death. So I am happy for vampire content, even if it's not even closely related to the vampire content. I like excellent.

I've heard this is just silly and fun. So that's what I want. Today we'll take it.

We're going to watch the first three episodes. One, two, three.

Ugly morbius.

Morbius sweep.

Morbius time. We're morbin. We're back when we're morbin.

It's morbin time.

Was that a very topical joke three weeks ago? In two weeks, when this episode comes.

Yeah, no, it's fine. They're going to read third time morbius of third time. Right as this episode airs. So we're topical again.

We're busy that weekend. Just one more time. Just one more time. Do it for me.

So sorry, guys. One moment.

One moment. We go again.

So all right. Luckily, this isn't morbius. Fuck jared.

Let us god fuck him in the face.

So in episode one, we see a man in a red coat going up to a spooky castle while we hear people tell him of the dastardly vampire who lives inside. And this man in the red coat is vampire hunter Ronaldo ooh. Also, you see the people, and it's like, oh, this is modern day, which is always a fun twist on things, I think, like this, because this could very easily be old timey.

Yeah, yeah.

Some of the get ups are there to confuse you. Ronaldo is dressed up in a very, like, Van helsing type of way.

Devil May cross.

Yeah. When you see any citizens, it's like, oh, no, that's just a guy.

So he goes into the castle to defeat the fearsome vampire Draluk. And he opens the door, and Draluk promptly turns to sand. And then we get the opening, which is a very good one. I like this one very much.

I was quite surprised by the opening. I was like, this is real nice. I was scared by how many characters there were.

Yeah, that's fair.

Yes.

Intimidating.

But it's a good song. And there's, like, fun dancing. They're dancing together.

Yeah, it's great.

So as Ronaldo is wondering what happened, dreluke comes back. He reforms from the sand, and he's like, you got me. And Ronaldo is like, I didn't do anything. And Dreluk comments his courage for coming here, for he is the progenitor and invincible vampire. Ronaldo takes out his gun and points it at drake. And he turns to sand again. He doesn't even shoot him. drake simply gives up. Ronaldo asks if it's really this vampire, or are you just some cosplaying tourist? And he's like, no, I am the one. I'm just not as powerful as people make me seem. Someone put that on a tourist bus, and I haven't told anybody. It's not true. He is kind of invincible because he just turns to sand and comes back.

Yeah.

He doesn't really die. Nothing kills him because he just reforms. So by definition, he is invincible.

Yeah.

It's like the fine line of, yeah, he's immortal, but also he can't do shit with that infinite life, so it's really nothing.

Yeah. So he's like, yeah, I'm not good at fighting, but I do love fighting. Video games. Do you want to play with me? And Ronaldo bonks him on the head and boom. Sand ronaldo calls him weird, accuses him of being a shoticon in Lollycon, which I'm sure we've heard before, but is essentially nasty people who like children because he is accused of kidnapping a young boy. And then we just see the boy sitting there playing video games. Andrea luke is like, I literally did not even know he was here. And the kid is like, yeah, just sneak in here while you're asleep during the day, but I stayed late this time because I'm trying to beat this game. And then he tells drake that he's ugly.

And drake turns to stand, in a word, hurt.

And reinaldo tells the kid to leave with him because that's like, part of the reason he went in there. And he's like, I don't want my mom to be mad at me. And then reinaldo puts on a charm and he's like, your mother won't be mad. And then the kid is like, what do you know about my mom? And then he whips out of there on a Razor scooter. This kid fucking rules. Dr. Luke goes after the kid. The kid kicks him in the knee. He turns to sand. And then even after he's reformed, he's like, that really fucking hurt.

If you've ever had a Razor Scooter, you know, a quick shot to the shins with that thing is some of the worst pain you can ever feel.

Oh, yeah.

A quick pro tip. If you're ever going downhill on a Razor scooter barefoot, just fail. Because you're going to hit that break and it's just going to friction burn your heel. And you can't stop otherwise. So you just have to take it. Learn from my mistakes.

Jesus Christ.

Secondary razor scooter. Pro tip, if you're going downhill and you see a big muddy spot, avoid it because that mud is going to slow up those wheels, flip you over the handlebars, slam you on the back, and you're going to ruin your bugs Life sweatshirt.

Not the bug's life sweatshirt.

It's nice and white and really fluffy and just got covered in mud.

I don't have any Razor Scooter advice because I was always too scared to ride things downhill.

That is honestly the best advice at all. Just don't.

So reinaldo wants to go after the kid, saying that if he doesn't bring him back, it'll ruin his reputation with his clients. They spot the kid whizz by on his scooter and dry. Luke says, I'll get to him first if I turn into a bat and then the transformation doesn't quite work, and he's just a big bathead with human legs. And he's like, I I can't turn back.

I messed up.

I don't know how to turn back. And he starts chasing Ronaldo around the room.

Very akin to what we do in the shadows with that German climate's character in the movie where he's a cat, but he has a human face still.

Oh, yeah. He wants him to kill him, and then he'll turn back, and he does. The kid is upstairs. He takes a picture on his smartphone, and Ronaldo yells at him. And the kid is like, Ronaldo yelled at me. I'm going to post about it online. And reinaldo is like, oh, I'm so sorry to treat you this way, young master. And Dr. Luke is like, don't let this kid do that to you. And he's like, no, I have to. Online backlash is scary.

A freelance. I need this.

Yeah. reinaldo suggests that they lure him down with something, and he's like, how about this autobiography I wrote? And Dry Luke is like, I wouldn't want that even if it was filled with money. The kid scoots by on a scooter. Dry Luke suggests that they work together to get him and that Ronaldo keeps chasing him. And then drake will go around and cut him off through a hallway. Ronaldo runs off, but drake is like, Ha ha, I tricked him. I just sent him into a room with a bunch of traps. And then Ronaldo comes running back out with this giant eye that shoots lasers. He's like, what the fuck? It's full of traps, and it shoots drake. And then reinaldo drags him into the trap room. There's a button that says poison gas. There's spikes. There's cannonballs being shot out of the walls. They make it through, but they step on the poison gas button before, and they slam the door behind them. And the kid is in the next room, and they're like, how did you make it through there? And he's like, It is actually very easy to do so. And he's like, Just let me beat this level, and then I'll leave. And then reinaldo puts his hand on the kid's shoulder, and he, like, drops the little game system he's playing, and Ronaldo steps on it, and drake is not happy about that.

Qsq.

I know. So he summons a bunch of those laser eyes, and he snaps his fingers to activate them, but they were, like, pointing the wrong way. So they all shoot at drake, and he tries to get away and go into the trap room, but by opening the door, he releases the poisoned gas. So they run and jump out the window, and then a piece of glass lands on one of the laser eyes, and his castle explodes and is on fire. whoops.

I know there's a lot of poison, but how many poisonous gas was that? flammable as well.

It was scented remember it had a floral scent. Maybe it was that.

Yeah.

So Ronaldo is just like, well, life's full of ups and downs, isn't it? Ha ha.

Bye.

And drake is like, you owe me all of your blood now. And then the sun rises, and of course, drake turns to sand. We see Ronaldo walking back to his office, and there are some reporters following him around, asking for details of beating drake. And he brushes them off and goes into his office, where drake is there waiting. He's sitting on the couch, and he says, hey, what's up? And Ronaldo sprays him with. Definitely not for breeze. For breeze, and asks him how he got there. And Droolook is like, you have directions to your office on your website?

It's easy to find.

Yeah, but the kid scooped him up and put him in a bag. But his mom was like, you can't have a vampire for a pet. So he left and came here, and now he's going to live here. He brought his things, his video games, his coffin, one of the laser eyes, and the best character in the show, his pet, John the Armadillo.

Love John.

This boy rules. And he was like, I didn't see that you had a pet armadillo before. He was like, oh, yeah, he was in the trap room. He was being shot out of the cannon.

He was one of the cannonballs.

And Ronaldo was like, that's no way to take care of your pet. He's mine now, but you have to leave. And he's like, Well, Ronaldo, you're the one who blew up my castle. I'm going to press charges. Also, isn't it your job to take care of people? And Ronaldo is like, It's also my job to kill vampires. And dre. Luke suggests that he is not like other inferior, stupid vampires. He can blend in with human society because he's intelligent. And Renault sprays him with fabrize again, and he calls him stupid and says that he should be eliminated. And then just then, someone comes into the office. They open the door into drake, and dry. Luke turns into sand. He says he needs help, but he notices drake, and he's like, a vampire. And then reinaldo is like, oh, he's had a change of heart, and now he's going to work for me. And so this guy is like, whatever. Both of you just come with me. So he's the manager at a convenience store, and his son has taken his coworker hostage, and the son was bitten by an inferior vampire. And he, like, wants to let the transformation happen. He wants to be a vampire, but because of the type of vampire he was bitten by, he wouldn't even become a vampire. And they're like, we can just take him to the hospital, and he'll get a shot, and he'll be fine. Like, it'll be reversed. So vampires are a big enough deal in this world that they need vaccines for them.

Here's some advil. Call me in the morning.

Yeah. So yeah, they remind him that he won't even turn into a real vampire. And he's like, you guys are fucking liars. And then he's just like playing air guitar. And the manager guys, he's been shouting and playing air guitar like this the whole time. And that really got me. I thought that was very funny.

I like how the girl he took hostage is just like, so checked out. She's like on her phone. And we see her getting, like a snack while she's being held hostage.

So the manager man asks Ronaldo to talk his son down. And reinaldo asks him why he wants to be a vampire. And he doesn't really have an answer. And he's like, I don't want to work at this convenience store anymore. And it's like, that's not really a good enough reason. And reinaldo points to Dry Luke, who in the moment is stuck in the automatic doors as a pile of sand. And he's like, do you really want to end up like this guy? And they think making him face the reality of being a vampire is working. reinaldo collapse, andra Luke turns to sand and he says, if you turn into a vampire, I'm going to hunt you and kill you. And the kid is like, wait, that's actually so cool. I'm like a big fan of you. And he's like, well, I want to be a vampire because fighting vampire hunters sounds so cool. And then Dry Luke manifests behind him and he says, if you give me your blood, I can turn you into a real vampire. But the kid looks pretty spooked. Like he might back down, but he doesn't. And drake bites him and turns to sand and says he's been having milk for every meal. So this young man's blood was too rich for his tummy.

He can't drink blood any. Like what?

Too much milk?

Oh, god.

Disgusting. Immernaldo was like, maybe you should quit being a vampire because you're really bad at it.

You can't even drink blood.

So the kid gets upset and we find out he just wanted to live longer because of what airy, the girl he held hostage said when he confessed his love to her. So we see a flashback of that. She says, life's too short for you to be in love with someone like me. So he's like, I did that. I'm doing this for you. So like, I'll live longer and you won't feel like it'll be a waste. And she's like, oh, honey, I was just trying to turn you down nicely. And she's like, especially after you did this. Why would I want to be with you? And then she shows him a picture of a bald man on her phone. And she's like, also, I'm quitting to leave and marry a rich older man, so this isn't going to work. And then she's like, anyway, my shift is over. I'm going home.

She leaves good on her.

Yeah. Bad bitch behavior.

Girl boss unbothered by getting kidnapped.

Yes. So, yes, the ordeal is over. The reporters from earlier come into the store, seeing that Ronaldo worked with a vampire. The manager, man, talks to them. So does Drauk. And they want a comment from Ronaldo, too, but he freezes up. And he's like and then he just kind of is like, yeah, we'll hunt down whoever you need us to. And then we get in every episode, there's this interesting thing they do that I kind of like, where they have this, like, little coming up on the next episode kind of thing that makes it look like it's a very dramatic and creepy but then in context, it's not as bad. So this one is a scene of Ronaldo saying that Dracuk betrayed him. And then we get the ending. And the ending is also very good because it's little John, the armadillo on.

A quest, just out there living his best life.

Yes. And that's episode one.

John out there. moisturized, unbothered dream. Yeah. And then we start off with episode two. And it's drake reading the autobiography on Ronaldo, being like, you know what's? Actually pretty good. You got some interesting stuff in here. Of course you could trim some up stuff up. reinaldo is like gets mad at him, being like, Shut up. What do you know? Why are you even bother reading that? And like, Go goes in his office and slams the door, and he comes out and he's like, here's some very fancy special milk I got for you. Clearly showing, like, I don't care about your opinion. You're a vampire. But also, I will kiss the feet of anyone whoever reads my book. And then he gets a call. Ronaldo answers his phone, and it's his publisher asking where the manuscript is for volume two of his autobiography series. And he's scurred because reinaldo didn't do anything. He hasn't written any of it yet. So he's terrified. It's due today. Best course of action, flee the country. Just got to get out of here. Got to go here from deadlines are.

Scarier than any vampire.

Lucas, what's the big deal? And it's like, oh, my publisher is at this publishing house. He's a very skilled martial artist, and he wields a giant battle access his primary weapon. He's like, why does a publisher wield weapons? He's like, the style they roll there at that publishing house. And we get a flashback of him not meeting a deadline. And the publisher carving up Ronaldo with his bad lucks and just cutting all of his clothes off except for his underwear. And Ronaldo is like, I can't risk it again. If he does it again, he's going to go over to the underwear and what's underneath. And then the publisher calls again, saying talking to him and Renault is like, hey, what's that banging in the background? He's like, oh, don't mind that. I'm just testing out my new iron maiden I got. And it's like, cool. Can't piss him off again. He's like, I'm looking forward to hearing you hearing about your team up with the vampire I saw in the newspaper the other day. And when he says that Ronaldo gets an idea of, like, the vampire, Dr. Luke, I can pretend like he's attacking me on the phone and that'll maybe buy me some time. So he pretends like Dr. luke's attacking him and starts beating himself up on the phone. And instead, the publisher is like, sounds like you're in danger. I'll be right over. And hangs up. And Renault is like, that went the other way. I didn't plan that one out.

Call my bluff.

Oh, no. All right. He's like, in a different city entirely. It'll take him a long time to get here. And then they hear footsteps coming down the hall. He's like, how is he already here? And he hears, like, the bad life scribbling across the floor as he's walking. So they immediately start panicking, trying to figure out how to come up with a plan. What are they going to do? And while they're freaking out, they're like, oh, what do we do this, what do we do that? And just all these bad ideas. The power goes out in the building, and renaldo is like, shit, I got to find the light. They got to figure out what's going on and drop it's. Like, yeah, it's a good wait a minute. I have dark fishing.

I can dark up to 30ft. Ha ha.

As per standard dnd rules as a dampier. And he's like, I'll just sneak out and renato have to deal with them. sucks to be him. And as he goes to the door, he opens it, and the publisher is right there in the dark. And the publisher is like, oh, hello. He's like, crap. So we come back to Ronaldo looking for, like, the light switch. While he's there, treluke appears. Sorry about this, Ronaldo. It's got to happen this way. He captures him and pulls his arms back behind his back. And this is where we see Ronaldo from the previous of being like, Tralu, you betrayed me. Of course I did. Vampires betray hunters all the time. I don't know how true that is. I feel like vampires and hunters shouldn't interact much at all besides just hunting each other. But sure, betrayal. And it turns out Dr. Luke was bought off with the promise of video games that the publisher has back at their office. And as the publisher appears, Ronaldo freaks out and just throws Dr. Luke at him. And when he does, he turns a sand again. So essentially, just like, pocket sand pockets the publisher. And when he does that, he runs out. He's like, all right, now is my chance to escape. And he runs out the office into the Iron Maiden right up front and stops himself. He goes man, this didn't work out like I thought it would. And the publisher is like, no, it didn't. It pushes him in. The iron maiden. And it's like, now you got time to finish up your script. So we see him just, like, locked in the Iron Maiden. We hear typing in, like, a laptop while he's in there. And then we get, like, a commercial bumper, and it cuts to, like, a mad scientist wearing this crazy mask in a laboratory, experimenting on something, saying, like, it's almost ready. Thank you for your help. And it pans over. Do we see a very obvious vampire lord? Big cape, sinister looking eyes, pointy ears.

Hey, let's not stereotype him. We don't know.

I got a good feeling. It doesn't sparkle, doesn't go bleh. But I got a good hunch.

Got the vibe.

Got the vibes. So after that, we cook back to the office, where Durluc is asking about his salary. It's okay. So how much am I earn again? Am I getting commission? Do I get, like, half of your what you're paid? I need that money to rebuild my castle. And he slaps a big piggy bank sort of thing he has as a ¥2 trillion to rebuild the castle. And Ronaldo is like, you ain't getting shit. You're not getting paid. And then Ronaldo gets a call asking from one of his fellow vampire hunters asking for help with the vampire nearby. And Petrolu goes with him to help him out to stop this vampire. And while they're talking to him, we see as one of the guys from the intro. So we find out there's more than one vampire hunter guild. And we find out this vampire has the ability to control plants in the city and is posing a threat, and this guy has been able to stop him by himself. He's like, all right. Ronaldo is like, all right, we'll help you out, like, drilling here. And he looks at Dr. Luke, and it's just like a stuffed head on a broomstick with his cape around it like a scarecrow. He's like, what happened? And the other vampire hunter's like, oh, yeah, Dr. Luke, he ran off a while ago. Why didn't you tell me? I don't know. I didn't know that was a thing I was supposed to tell you about. I don't know. You're dynamic, but I didn't know you were babysitting a vampire. So he runs off, and we cut to truly on his own being like, I'll take care of this vampire by myself to prove my worth. And then Ronaldo will be praising me, and I'll be in charge of the office, and I'll be getting all the money. Ha ha. I'll take the glory. And while he's walking through a park, he gets ambushed by a bunch of grade schoolers who just are beating the hell out of him because he turns to ash.

Anytime in this show are very funny.

They're wily as hell, and they're not as annoying as I thought they'd be.

Yeah, I was going to say I feel like kids in most shows like this are super terrible and annoying. But these kids are just kind of like hardcore and just kind of silly.

Like, oh, yeah, full grown vampire. We're going to clap his cheeks like, what?

Say that.

You'Re going to beat this old man to dust. And they do repeatedly.

Finally, a show that shows of the two kids are scarier than vampire.

Yeah, I would definitely take my chances against a vampire than some grade schoolers. So while they're beating up direct Luke, I don't care. drake he senses the presence of the other vampire nearby, the one that can control plants. Make sense. They're in a park. And he says, get behind me, kids. There's a vampire nearby. And he calls him out. He said, come out of here, fellow vampire compatriots. We're on equal terms. Show yourself. And we see of course it's a vampire we saw in the one previous scene in the laboratory. And he stands up. We see a very large buff guy named Nudium. He's naked, big naked man. Got a big vampire cape and just a bouquet of flowers around his crotch with a bunch of vines coming out of it style. He's got a weird bush. And two thirds of the kids run off immediately. They're just like, yeah, we're done. That's enough for tonight. And I was like, smart kids. Yeah. So they run off scared. And Nudiem comes out saying he's talking a lot. I was understandably distracted by the words or from the words I should say. And he's basically saying he's going to turn them into his thralls. His ability is he's able to make fruit from his bush and feed it to people. And they get part of his powers and also become like his thralls. So immediately Drop and the kid, I think of themselves in a similar situation of being naked with the plant bush. And it's like, no, we don't want that. And nude is like, come on, fellow compatriot. She's like, man, I regret saying that. You can stop calling me that. I don't want that. Trying to sound fancier than he isn't backpedaling immediately. And honestly this got real like real fast with this guy because we see him just seems like he has powers, but they're all kind of dominant silly. So Dr. Luke and the kids are running away. And this guy, instead of just running after them, he lays completely parallel to the ground. And the vines coming out of his plant crotch like run for him. So he's like scary. He was like an inch off the ground. And he just has these weird vines like wailing around similar to bobo bo's nose hair. This is weird.

Reminiscent of David hasselhoff just shooting through the water in the spongebob Square feet movie.

Very much so. Very similar. Andrew Lucas like, hey, kid, I got an idea. And. One vampire lord bites another vampire lord. The one with the stronger willpower dominates the other and can control them. So you got to distract them. And I'll come up behind them and bite him and take him over. I was like, that's probably not going to work. You couldn't drink blood last episode. Like, you were totally the weak one.

I was like, how can you even think that'll work, man?

I thought he was going to be just so buffed to luke's teeth weren't even going to be able to pierce his skin. So the kid's like, no, I don't want to do that. And jordan's like, cool, we're already doing it. And runs off by himself. And Luke tries to spring an attack on him. And he tries to come out from behind him, and it fails as we see the vines come from around from behind, nude him and like, stab him. He's able to see drop behind him, but when he looks, he only stabbed. His cloak and drilling is actually above him. And he's flying down and bites him. What did he do? I just wrote, he springs an attack and fails. I forget exactly how he stops him.

I don't think he bites him. What ends up happening is Ronaldo shows up and he grabs Nudium's vines and suplexes him. Yeah, I forget the order of events.

Yeah, it's the one joke the show has drilled. Tries to do something, turns to the ash and fails. And then a new dim is going to give the kid the fruit. And then yeah. Ronaldo shows up, grabs the vines, and it just eros him with his vines into the ground and beats them. And then shoes him a few times with this gun for good measure. Yeah, just to be safe. Thanks. Him being like, thanks for helping us out. We defeated the vampire lord. how's my pay cut coming along? How much am I getting paid? I was like, I'm going to put you into the ground next. Don't talk to me about pay. And then we cut back to the crazy mad scientist wearing a mask in the laboratory saying the serum is almost ready. And he shakes and he goes, I can't wait for this nutritional supplement to be out on the market. And we see nudity is, like, strapped to a table. And there's just a bunch of lab workers picking him and taking his petals from his bush and using them as ingredients. So they're just harvesting them for his plants.

Very strange.

Honestly, one of the more macabre things in the show.

Yeah.

And then we come back to the office where juluka talks about how he's been drinking a lot of milk lately and he wants to get back in the blood game. And he says how the tastiest blood is out of a young, beautiful, virgin woman. And he just wants to find one and find one with a beautiful nape and drink her blood again. Ronaldo is like, cool, gross. He doesn't contribute much when it comes to dialogue, that character. And then there's a knock at the door. renato answers it, and it's the police. And they arrived with a vampire control specialist because they heard stories about him teaming up with a vampire. And they got to check him out to make sure he's not a threat to the humans nearby. So I guess this might just be common where, like, pacifist vampires exist in society because they're here to test him. They weren't here to, like, go arrest him on the spot. And then Ronaldo remembers what torture Luke said 5 seconds ago, how he wants to bite a young woman's neck. And the special guest shows up as a young woman, and he's like, hmm, I gotta stop him before she's able to see him, before anything happens. Instead of stopping her, my best bet would be to kill Gerluk for the 19th time. And so he comes up with the comes up with different plans on how to kill juliet. So he just punches the wall, like, slams against the wall real hard, thinking the vibrations through the wall will kill him, and that doesn't work. And then he starts to stopping on the ground a lot, thinking the vibrations through the floor will kill him. That doesn't work. And he's able to hear trouble playing video games in the other room, so he's able to know he's still alive. And he tries a bunch of things. And then we see John the armadillo just waddle out. Emotion is like, hey, I got an idea. And he grabs John, covers his stomach and garlic paste, rolls them up an old ball, and throws them into the other room.

That cannot be good for John the armadillo.

It might be good for the skin. armadillas are weird. The seven band armored seven band armadillo. Armadillo can carry around the boop. No leprosy. So, like, they're weird. They do weird stuff. Don't don't touch seven seven band armadillas, folks.

Good to know.

And so he throws them in the room. And we see John just go into the room, like, bounce against, like, a shelf and then bounce right back outside. And we see him high up on a shelf in the room with Ronaldo. He's like, well, that didn't work. And since he saw John get bounced into the room, drolu comes out. He's like, hey, what's going on? And Ronaldo is like, panicking, like, oh, man, my plane backfired. And Droluc sees the investigator woman, and he's like, oh, a fair maiden. Let me introduce myself. And he holds her hand out and, like, kisses her hand. And she is very smitten with him. Obviously very flustered by this emaciated, just absolute weiner of a vampire. And she gets, like, very flustered and being like, well, Ronaldo wasted all of my time, so now I don't have time to actually do the test on you. I'll have to come back at a later date. bye. It like, runs out. It's like we got our soon dairy. And he says like, oh, she seemed very nice. I was just introduced to myself being courteous. Maybe one day she'll come back and we could be friends. And she'll let me get a nap nip at her nape. Well, he's talking about that. He's like, walking past the shelf. And John falls off from the shelf, lands on top of her, Luke with the garlic paste on his belly still, and then kills him as was intended, just out of Order and dad's. Episode two.

So we pick up episode three. We see two police officers dart into a dark alley. And oh, there's a big vampire worm. ah, big monsters. All right, time for big anime fight scene. And then suddenly we see a woman just sprint past them and just immediately take this thing down. And she's like, all right, you two clean this up. I'm out of here. I got bigger fish to fry. And runs a wet. And the two cops are like, holy shit. What was that? And they're like, oh, don't you know that's hitachi the vampire hunter. She's with the Vamp Control Division coming to a Law and Order series very soon.

I'd be surprised. Dick Wolf needs something to do.

And they're like, she's the youngest vampire hunter on the forest, but she's already co captain and so awesome. So we cut to her at the headquarters, and she's talking with the captain and is like, all right, it's time for me to use my talents where they're needed most. I propose I go after Drauke, the famed and very deadly vampire. So she starts out gathering information. Going to start small, just see what he's up to. And so she stakes out.

The vampire.

So she's just sitting up in a tree watching drake and reinaldo walking around. She's like, all right, I'm going to learn every single thing about this. And he bumps into a locker and dusts himself. And she's like, sorry, I missed a frame of that. What did he like, a pool of poison? Surely he didn't just do that. We just get a montage of him doing mundane things walking down a city block. And he just gets dusted like five more times. He's scared by a dog barking. Some kids bully him. So she's like, I can't believe this. Surely this is a ruse for such a legendary vampire. He's just trying to get the town's people to think he's not a threat, okay? That's his plan, surely. So then reinaldo goes into a store and some kids come up and bully Drew Luke. And he gets dusted. And she's like, no, come on. You didn't lose to kids, right?

This cannot be.

Unless the only reasonable explanation deep down, you do have a heart and you dusted yourself rather than eating those children. You sweetie. And then they just continue bullying him real quick.

This is the vampire investigator from the last episode. So she is already in love with him.

Yeah. And she's like, okay, I see. There's one of those small scale vampires, you know, a mosquito. It's going to challenge him to a fight and surely vamp to vamp, he's going to stand his ground. And no, he gets scarce. He's a coward and tries to hide behind John. And reinaldo comes out, and he's like, you were going to sacrifice this innocent thing, you big vampire. So she, of course, is like, all right, I guess I don't really have anything here. I'll go back empty handed. So she returns to the captain, and he's like, hey, good news. Based on our meeting the other day, I brought it to the board, and they approved the proposal. Your main job is now to keep trailing this creep and put them behind bars. And then she's, of course, like, oh, no, I screwed myself. I wasted my talents on this so called legend. So we cut to the next segment. Next segment. So ronaldo's new book is out, and he's like, all right, this rules. I got to go to the guild and show it off for some PR. And Dr. luke's like, hey, what's the guild? He's like, you know the vampire hunting guild? Yeah, we're going to go check it out. And Dr. Luke is like, that seems like a bad place for me to go, but all right.

Okay.

So they go to the hq. It's a bar. It's a bar that is lightly vampire themed. So they talk to the guildmaster. It's the bartender. And he's like, hey, here's the book. I'm a big shot. Everyone love me. And, oh, hey, here's here's drac. He's harmless. Don't don't worry about him. And Andrew luke's like, wow, you know, I was so scared to come here before, but this is a real amateur hour. Just a bunch of people in costumes just more ready to be on my hero academia than actually be affected by hunting vampires.

Looks like an applebee is during con season. Yeah.

Sephora popeyes.

Yeah, it's truly just all the posers who are like, no, I need a cool get up and backstory. Exercise is not my main focus. So drake's like, yeah, let me just run through the roster, and we get introduced to some ones. Like, I'm the baseball guy. That's it.

That's it.

I use a bat.

That's my magic item.

Very effective. It wouldn't work if anyone else yielded it. No, it's a special bat. But then we're introduced to the important character, a lovely gay stereotype of a man who's the vampire trainer.

The way the show traces character is bad, homophobic, slightly transphobic. I really like senja. I'm like, you. Go, love you. Good for you that you do this.

Yeah, if that's what Senior is into, it's fine. But it wouldn't be a comedy anime if they didn't have sexual assault of personified as just a running punchline for a character.

Yeah, I look at this as a character dominatrix situation.

Like, as we were saying, if this was a character in my hero academia, where we could trust the show to treat it slightly better, like, sure. Oh, yeah, like big dominatrix superhero, that would rule. But here, of course, it's a Japanese comedy. So the gay character has to be extremely predatory.

Looking at you, one punch man.

So he's like, oh, who's this big tall drink of water to drake? And he's like, odd. I should recruit you for my team so you can wear a matching skimpy outfit. And reinaldo is like, yes, please take him off my hands. That's a great idea. And your luke's like, no, I'm not going with this guy. What are you talking about? And the guildmaster is like, all right. You're fighting over him, I guess you got a duel.

There's any kind of disagreement in front of me, it's a duel. We got to stop doing this. Bartender.

I would like a coke. Sorry, we only have Diet coke right now. Are you sure? That's a disagreement. We have to duel over this.

Bring out the pistols. What?

So, yeah, of course. We just get a bunch of jumping to different dual activities. Starting off Ronaldo, he's like, I want to be rid of this waste of time vampire. So first round, arm wrestling. He throws it. He's like, oh, no, you win. You're so big and strong. But seeing this draft catches on, and he's like, no, I'm not going down without a fight. They're fighting over me, their prize, and I have no word in it, so I'm going to start cheating. So the next round is poker. Ronaldo is going to just use a shitty hand and throw it. But Driluc accidentally dusts himself on the table. And oops, john swaps out the cards, and he ends up winning the hand.

Good job, John.

Great work. Love that little guy.

So suddenly between rounds, Ronaldo gets a call from the book publisher. So he steps outside and takes it. He's like, hey, what's up? The reviews for the book. how's it going? And the publisher is like, yeah, you're great. This is awesome. We're going to write so many more of these. You and that vampire of yours are a winning team. That's how we're going to get all the money, is having that vampire insider knowledge. And reinaldo is like, I can't keep making money if I get rid of them.

Damn.

Well, I guess I shouldn't sell him into slavery. So he goes back and he actually tries now. So next up is markman Ship. Ronaldo shoots, does well. Next up, they play a game of twister.

I thought this was going to be so much worse. They don't show that much of it. And even what they do show, they do not make it terrible and nasty. I was like, wow. I was ready to suffer.

Same. Yeah. Honestly, the worst part was kind of where they pull it out, being like, oh, why do you have twists or bartender or, like, Guildmaster? He's like, I used to play it all the time with my wife. I'm getting excited just thinking about it. All right, we didn't need to know that, man.

My wife and I fucked on that. A lot.

Of sex. towel.

He starts, like, bouncing. He's like, I'm getting excited. I was like, man, we don't even know.

But yeah, the main thing is the trainer is like, surely he's not that agile, but he is because he really wants to win. So he, like, crab walks over himself and goes for the win.

Okay.

The last game, they have to pull the ashes. This seemed like an established thing because it was not fully explained, but I didn't know what this game was.

I guess it was it was just you don't want to be the one to knock over the pole in the middle of the sand.

Yeah. It's basically playing, like, chicken or don't break the ice. Like, see how much you can take before the pole falls over. And if it does, you lose, like, django or something.

Yeah. I was just confused because we were like, okay, arm wrestling, poker. Then this hyper specific game that they gave no explanation for. I was like, okay, I guess that's just a cultural thing. Okay. So, yeah, they have to, like, pull away. There's a pile of the ash with a big cross in it, and they have to pull it away without dropping the cross. So they keep doing it. Ronaldo wins. It's not that exciting to narrate. And then we see that they cheated once again, the cross was pinned to the table. He couldn't knock it over if he tried. Now the trainer is like, wow, you're such an excellent hunter. I'm in love with you now. Yeah, that's about it. I sort of zoomed through that because not the comfiest area to be in right now, so that's fine. But, yeah, that's the end of this show. It is definitely interesting in that for a gag show, there is so much, like, running plot between this that you typically would not see of like, all right, I'm teaming up with this vampire. We're writing a book. The book then gets published. Oh, now I need to keep them around for more books because it's popular. It's like this is extremely, like, background stuff. But it is just weird that it's not just unconnected sketch to unconnected sketch. There is a throughline to it, which.

We don't typically get.

Yeah.

Yeah. We've seen we've certainly had other shows before that were, like, One Note Joe shows, and some of them have had connecting through lines throughout episodes. Like the one with the sad cartoon childhood show host where it's like, oh, the running through line is he's sad all the time. Cool. But this he kind of does have weird, like, plot elements of the book and the publisher, the Police Captain investigating. Turns out all the characters we saw in the intro were just like, 80% of the guild hall. So it's like, okay, that that summarizes the cast pretty quickly. That's good. So there's not more. So, yeah, it was fun. It certainly has. The one joke of Dr. Luke dies easily. That's it. That's a lot of it. But I do love how Ronaldo loves John, as everyone should and does.

Yeah.

There were a few other moments. renaldo is kind of annoying. I'm kind of ready for him to get to the point where he just accepts being, like, drilling's roommate and they come up with wacky high jinks together, as opposed to him just trying to get rid of them the whole time.

And they hold hands and become boyfriends.

I mean, listen, that dancing in the beginning was very sensual.

Yeah. The part in the beginning, in the opening where they're like both holding John's hands, I was like this little too.

Dad, two dads and a little armadillo son.

Yeah. I thought this was pretty fun for the most part. Obviously, it has its unsavory moments, which is, like, disappointing, especially because it was in 2021, late 2021, but for the most part, yeah, it's just silly. There were a couple of things that made me actually laugh, which is always nice. Yeah, this is just one of those, like, turn it on and not really pay attention to it kind of things.

I feel like show on brain off.

Yeah.

For me, the biggest struggle with it was it is like a broad comedy in Japan, which mostly just means angry fast yelling for most of the episode. So that got grading to me. But the concept is solid. It has more plot than I was expecting. I genuinely like most of the characters. I was getting weird, like, megamind vibes from Dr. Luke up to this point. But, yeah, I had fun with this. I probably wouldn't watch it because we get it, but if this develops more down the road, I feel like this could be really interesting to revisit.

Yeah.

Got big doubles of part time revives, but vampire.

Yeah, exactly.

Are we there yet? It's all right.

Yeah, we're legally obligated I got to.

Get that in real quick, but yeah, that's it. And I'm legally obligated to ask if you have a show you would like us to watch. You can send that to our email, which I'm legally obligated to say is, Are we there yet@gmail.com? Or you can reach out to us on Twitter, Instagram at Rweedveryet on both.

You can find me on Instagram and tik tok at honeyd or on Twitter at honeyd eight and Honeydart and Honey spelled H-U-N-N-I-E.

I'm legally obligated to tell you that you can find me on Twitter. Don't recommend it, though. It's a bad time. Both me and just Twitter in general.

Thank you to camille Ruley for our artwork. And thank you to Louisang for her theme song stories. You can find all of Louis'music at Louisong bandcamp.com. Thank you and we hope you'll join us next week as we learn to live with anime.

Goodbye.

I asked myself.